The Stories We Tell Ourselves, Part 1
When it comes to our finances, we’re only human. We make good decisions and sometimes, not-so-good decisions. Behavioral biases play a big role in our savings, spending and investing decisions. But there’s another reason behind some of the financial decisions we make: It’s how we were brought up.
Psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz calls these our “money scripts”—unconscious rules and beliefs we develop about money that are often passed from generation to generation. Some guide us in positive directions, like learning the importance of saving for a rainy day. And some can lead to challenging behaviors later in life. One study in Britain, for example, found that children who were raised in households where spending was secretive were more likely to develop hoarding and other compulsive money habits as adults.
“The problem is that we take these beliefs for granted as adults, and we rarely go back and examine them, let alone decide to change them,” Klontz says. “Instead, they’re kind of like an actor’s script in a movie; we just continue to read the lines in our heads…and believe that they’re true, when in fact, they are often quite distorted and limit our success.”
Not all money scripts are bad. But getting caught up in your own negative money scripts can knock you off course as you pursue your financial goals. Learning to recognize your scripts—and discovering ways to counter those negative ones—puts the power in your court, helping you make positive changes to your financial behavior.
In the first part of this two-part series, let’s explore some of the most common money scripts.
Understanding Money Scripts
While there are many money scripts, Klontz and his fellow researchers have identified four main patterns.
1. Money status: This category of scripts leads people to tie their self-esteem to how much money they have. It can lead to impulse buying and overspending to flaunt wealth.
It might fuel the urge to keep up with the Joneses—or even show them up. Those who largely view their money as a status symbol believe that buying things like high-end clothes or luxury cars will show the world how successful they are. They might round up when they tell people how much they earn, and keep secrets about money from their partners, especially if their spending leads to living beyond their means.
They might also have distorted view of others based on how much money they have, believing rich people should be happy and poor people are lazy or don’t deserve money at all, for instance.
2. Money worship: Those who identify with money worship often feel like money is the key to happiness, freedom and power—and if they only had more, their problems would be solved.
Closely tied to these feelings is the belief that you can never have too much money, and that you can’t trust other people around money issues. This belief can set money worshippers on a spend, spend, spend treadmill as they chase happiness goal posts that keep shifting further into the distance.
3. Money avoidance: People who avoid money (or at least managing the money they’ve got) carry a deep-seated belief that money is bad or shameful, that accumulating wealth is greedy and that those who do so are corrupt. It may come as no surprise, then, that money avoidance can hamper the ability to accumulate wealth.
Those who identify with this pattern may have a deep distrust of wealth and rich people and may even think that having less money is virtuous. After all, money corrupts and the rich must be taking advantage of people, right? There may even be some feeling of not deserving to have money.
4. Money vigilance: Vigilant spenders accept that money is a practical tool best used to save for the future. The money vigilant are often frugal, and they may downplay how much they make and even be secretive about money.
For these people, talking about money can feel shameful or taboo, making it tough to have practical conversations about it. They may have a hard time spending money on themselves, whether it’s buying a new appliance when the old one breaks or shelling out on an interest or activity that brings them joy.
Now, we should note that these categories represent extremes. And as such, they may not read as particularly attractive. Who wants to identify with any of them, really? But in reality, we likely contain a bit of each of these patterns to varying degrees. Some may pull stronger than others, and some that sound overtly negative may offer strengths. For example, it’s okay to buy something flashy every once and a while (and even to get a thrill from showing off a bit), especially if your stronger tendencies lean toward money vigilance.
With an understanding of the most common money scripts under your belt, you’re equipped to start keeping an eye out for where echoes of each appear in your own life in positive and negative ways. This identification process is important, because it allows you to move away from tendencies that don’t serve you well and toward those that do. In the second part of this series, we’ll offer strategies for flipping the script on these common behaviors and exploring your own personal money scripts. Stay tuned!
And in the meantime, we’re here to answer questions or offer strategies that can help you better reach your long-term financial goals.